Arindam Chaudhuri to present alternate budget in Parliament after thumbs down for Pranab’s version
Dr. Chaudhuri will temporarily replace Pranab da
Self proclaimed management guru cum economist cum philosopher, Dr Arindam Chaudhuri has been asked to present his ‘alternate budget for Rahul’ on Monday after the Finance Minister’s official version got a thumbs down from the polity, the punditocracy, and even the aam aadmi.
While experts on television studios termed it a timid and vision-less budget that failed to enthuse the corporate sector, Arnab Goswami expressed outrage over the fact that there was nothing to get outraged about. “There is nothing in this clerical, insipid budget to provide drama or sexy sound-bytes. The nation demands answers,” raged a visibly upset Arnab on Times Now. Prominent economist, Lord Meghnad Desai, said he slept through Pranab da’s vapid presentation so he would be giving it a 0.5/10 ( 0.5 for its marginal humour value in quoting Hamlet).
Politicians have a different set of grievances: Mamata was infuriated that TMC MPs did not even get an opportunity to stage a walk out since they couldn’t follow what Pranab da was saying. “This is worse than anti-poor budget, man. It is anti politician budget!! I couldn’t understand whether he meant to raise tax rates or lower them from what he was mumbling. I demand that Govt. get somebody else to present the budget or I will withdraw support,” thundered Didi. Former quiz master and now TMC MP, Derek O’ Brien, tweeted, “Did he just say ‘fiscal deficit’ or ‘physically deify shit’? What is this crap?”
CNN-IBN’s Sagarika Ghose summed up the angst felt by different sections of society by calling it the unsexiest budget ever presented since 1947.
Fortunately, Sachin’s 100th ton 
managed to lift people’s spirits briefly but they have yet again tanked after India lost the match to Bangladesh. Rahul Gandhi, in a bid to shore up his standing, has now commissioned Dr Arindam Chaudhri to present the alternate ‘budget for Rahul’ on Monday in Parliament in lieu of the official budget. “Dr Chaudhuri says his budget could make me the PM of India in 2014, perhaps even CM of UP in 2019. F*** man, I’m making him my new mentor and dumping Diggy,” cooed the Nehru-Gandhi scion. ”A rock star budget is not about getting the big picture right. It’s about focusing on the dirty picture, Rahul,” observed Dr Chauduri. Rahul gazed at his new mentor in awe.
managed to lift people’s spirits briefly but they have yet again tanked after India lost the match to Bangladesh. Rahul Gandhi, in a bid to shore up his standing, has now commissioned Dr Arindam Chaudhri to present the alternate ‘budget for Rahul’ on Monday in Parliament in lieu of the official budget. “Dr Chaudhuri says his budget could make me the PM of India in 2014, perhaps even CM of UP in 2019. F*** man, I’m making him my new mentor and dumping Diggy,” cooed the Nehru-Gandhi scion. ”A rock star budget is not about getting the big picture right. It’s about focusing on the dirty picture, Rahul,” observed Dr Chauduri. Rahul gazed at his new mentor in awe.
Dr Chaudhuri has promised to wow the country with a zappy presentation that would be high on corny jargon and low on mind numbing detail. The IIPM founder intends to flag bold policy initiatives such as “Dare to think beyond fiscal deficits”, “Make the Indian economy thornier”, “stimulate growth by encouraging people to count their chickens before they hatch”, and “Discover the diamond in India’s economic rejuvenation.”
Sonia Gandhi was initially reluctant to agree to the radical proposal of re presenting the budget but gladly gave her consent after Arindam proposed to launch the following social sector schemes in 2012-13:
- Rajiv Gandhi Mahashatak Yojana, which will distribute 100 bats to each BPL household to commemorate Sachin’s 100th 100
- Rajiv Gandhi Garibi Hatao Yojana, a scheme that will notionally reduce poverty (no guidelines regarding modalities of implementation since it will exist only on paper)
- Rajiv Gandhi Rajiv Gandhi Yojana (first scheme ever to be named twice after the late Prime Minister, this ambitious anti-poverty program aims to increase social welfare in a fuzzy manner that no one really comprehends)
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